Don't know what to do
Somebody supporting another with cannabis addiction
First time here
Son (33) addicted to Cannabis, has a wife and 2 children, rents his home.
We, my husband and I (not his father) have bailed him out financially more times than I can count. He has lost jobs although currently in work. The last job he lost (due to a drug test) states that had he not stopped smoking he wouldn’t have been erratic (work thought he was taking Cocaine as erratic) blames I and his partner.
He lies, manipulates conversations and will say anything for his next smoke.
He has tried to quit before but always relapsed. Spends money he doesn’t have or that should be spent on his family. In massive debt.
I nearly had a breakdown as feel completely hopeless and lost so have pulled back in the last month. Very Naïve but we have always been super close and was hoping if I pulled back that he would see how much hurt he is causing.
Nothing’s changed, still smoking daily costing around 10-30 per day. I am finding it extremely difficult to be around him at the moment as he is either high or non-responsive. Feel like I have lost him.
Read lots of similar posts, any advice would be appreciated
Son (33) addicted to Cannabis, has a wife and 2 children, rents his home.
We, my husband and I (not his father) have bailed him out financially more times than I can count. He has lost jobs although currently in work. The last job he lost (due to a drug test) states that had he not stopped smoking he wouldn’t have been erratic (work thought he was taking Cocaine as erratic) blames I and his partner.
He lies, manipulates conversations and will say anything for his next smoke.
He has tried to quit before but always relapsed. Spends money he doesn’t have or that should be spent on his family. In massive debt.
I nearly had a breakdown as feel completely hopeless and lost so have pulled back in the last month. Very Naïve but we have always been super close and was hoping if I pulled back that he would see how much hurt he is causing.
Nothing’s changed, still smoking daily costing around 10-30 per day. I am finding it extremely difficult to be around him at the moment as he is either high or non-responsive. Feel like I have lost him.
Read lots of similar posts, any advice would be appreciated
1 reaction
4 replies
Somebody supporting another with cocaine, heroin, MDMA, and methamphetamine addictions
I m so sorry for you - my daughter is addicted to several different drugs and we have bailed her out financially so many times, she also lies and steals money. I cannot have her at home any more and she is staying at friends houses. I guess you can’t change your son’s behaviour but only your reaction to him - just try and withdraw your support and look after yourself and husband
Somebody supporting another with cannabis addiction
Hi Giraffe
Thansk for your reply x
Things came to a head at the end of last year when he tried to take his own life (whilst still smoking) it didn’t work and he came home, agreed to let me take him to his GP who put him on ant depressants which he took for 3 weeks then stopped as ‘they weren’t working’.
He will blatantly say that he doesn’t see the problem in Smoking, he doesn’t drink so will always say that its not like he is spending 100’s in the pub at weekends getting drunk.
Three weeks ago, I went round as it was making me ill; I was in constant contact with him and his partner (She hasn’t spoke to her mum as she is worried that she will judge him) so she speaks to me.
It all got too much and was making me ill so I asked for two weeks of no contact from them, and I wouldn’t ask what had happening as I felt needed some respite. I have seen him a few of times (he has been stoned for all of them) so very little conversation from my end as I don’t like him when he is under the influence and it makes me too anxious and he made a comment to his partner along the lines of ‘Oh, she (me) is still carrying it on then’.
My worry is - If he crashes again and I step back as in I don’t rescue him what if next time he makes an attempt on his life is succeeds (I would never forgive myself) but my rescuing is clearly removing the consequences of his actions.
Thansk for your reply x
Things came to a head at the end of last year when he tried to take his own life (whilst still smoking) it didn’t work and he came home, agreed to let me take him to his GP who put him on ant depressants which he took for 3 weeks then stopped as ‘they weren’t working’.
He will blatantly say that he doesn’t see the problem in Smoking, he doesn’t drink so will always say that its not like he is spending 100’s in the pub at weekends getting drunk.
Three weeks ago, I went round as it was making me ill; I was in constant contact with him and his partner (She hasn’t spoke to her mum as she is worried that she will judge him) so she speaks to me.
It all got too much and was making me ill so I asked for two weeks of no contact from them, and I wouldn’t ask what had happening as I felt needed some respite. I have seen him a few of times (he has been stoned for all of them) so very little conversation from my end as I don’t like him when he is under the influence and it makes me too anxious and he made a comment to his partner along the lines of ‘Oh, she (me) is still carrying it on then’.
My worry is - If he crashes again and I step back as in I don’t rescue him what if next time he makes an attempt on his life is succeeds (I would never forgive myself) but my rescuing is clearly removing the consequences of his actions.
Somebody supporting another with alcohol addiction
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It must be so tough with grandkids in the mix too. 😢
I think the best thing you can do for your son right now is to stop the financial support. You can do this while continuing to support your grandkids, but it’s important that no money goes to him. Any that does is just enabling his behaviour and damaging his long term chances of recovery.
Where you can support him is in helping him take proactive steps to recover when he shows willingness (but only then!). Just be careful you don’t get taken advantage of.
Is his wife mixed up in this at all? If not, have you talked to her about it?
Best of luck 💙
I think the best thing you can do for your son right now is to stop the financial support. You can do this while continuing to support your grandkids, but it’s important that no money goes to him. Any that does is just enabling his behaviour and damaging his long term chances of recovery.
Where you can support him is in helping him take proactive steps to recover when he shows willingness (but only then!). Just be careful you don’t get taken advantage of.
Is his wife mixed up in this at all? If not, have you talked to her about it?
Best of luck 💙
Somebody supporting another with cannabis addiction
Hi Robert
Thanks for your message, much appreciated.
He and his wife met through smoking cannibis but she stopped the day she found out she was pregnant with my eldest grandchild
She is going through the mill as they live together. She goes through cycles where she gets angry with him but as she says that just causes her hurt as its upsets her when they argue.
She is at the point we're she says that he can do what he likes as if he asks her can he have one its not areal question as he is going to do it anyway :-(
The bank roll has now stopped an I've told him there's no more, not yet in the position where he needs as it was only 8 weeks ago that last bailed him out but it will come.
I am going to stay strong, as it can't happen again.
Constantly so angry at him an hurt but know that doesn't help, he has got to want to stop an currently doesn't see it as a issue :-(
Thanks for your message, much appreciated.
He and his wife met through smoking cannibis but she stopped the day she found out she was pregnant with my eldest grandchild
She is going through the mill as they live together. She goes through cycles where she gets angry with him but as she says that just causes her hurt as its upsets her when they argue.
She is at the point we're she says that he can do what he likes as if he asks her can he have one its not areal question as he is going to do it anyway :-(
The bank roll has now stopped an I've told him there's no more, not yet in the position where he needs as it was only 8 weeks ago that last bailed him out but it will come.
I am going to stay strong, as it can't happen again.
Constantly so angry at him an hurt but know that doesn't help, he has got to want to stop an currently doesn't see it as a issue :-(