The depths of pain. 💔

I can’t find any kind of balance between looking after my alcoholic sister and trying to think about my own life. My head is in such a mess every day.  She is very mentally unwell and needs so much support after escaping harrowing DV and being too afraid to be anywhere alone. I give her love and support  ever single day even though I’m struggling to cope myself. She’s very nasty when drunk and i can’t cope or switch off. It’s affecting my marriage too. Not having much time to spend together and when I’m not with my sister still desperately anxious and feel awful guilt as she hates being alone I know underneath the alcoholism she’s traumatised, she talks of suicide which terrifies me. She was turned down for a planned detox because she confessed to abusing painkillers. I’m at rock bottom here and don’t want to leave my bed