Boundaries
Somebody supporting another with cocaine addiction
Hi ,
I am interested in knowing what boundaries others have put in place that work. Unfortunately both my adult children 24 and 22 abuse alcohol and drugs, one working one not . Currently we don’t feel as though we have a life , we don’t sleep as they are often out late , we can’t go away as they can’t be trusted they are honestly like children. Any ideas appreciated…thank you
I am interested in knowing what boundaries others have put in place that work. Unfortunately both my adult children 24 and 22 abuse alcohol and drugs, one working one not . Currently we don’t feel as though we have a life , we don’t sleep as they are often out late , we can’t go away as they can’t be trusted they are honestly like children. Any ideas appreciated…thank you
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3 replies
Somebody supporting another with alcohol addiction
Hi it’s not easy to have adult children living with you anyway but with habits that you don’t agree with is very difficult. My son came back home at 32 after a relationship breakup . He thought he was going to continue his habit of drinking after work, coming home drunk at all hours and treating our home like a hotel . I gave him an ultimatum, if you want to live with us until you are ready to move out you obey our house rules. No alcohol at home, no coming home during the week if you have been drinking , and if you want to drink all weekend stay away !! It worked .. we rarely saw him from Friday morning until Sunday evening.. it worked for us and him .Thankfully he moved out after nearly a year and we were all still speaking to each other.
Your house your rules !!
Your life is as important as theirs please remember that . Good luck . 💕
Your house your rules !!
Your life is as important as theirs please remember that . Good luck . 💕
Somebody supporting another with alcohol and cocaine addictions
Can really empathise with you - we were in this place a couple of years ago and found it so difficult. We set boundaries (even wrote them down as a semi ‘agreement doc’) - they included just the basics of no drugs in the house, no coming home in the early hours of the morning, keeping room tidy etc.
It got to such a bad place in the end - coming in consistently during the week and weekends in the early hours disturbing our sleep, room in a state and empty little transparent bags everywhere in his room. He even pretty much moved a girl in.
We ended up at this stage not throwing him out but giving him a choice - live by these basic rules (not that unreasonable!), respect us/the house and the GF can stay at the weekend but not midweek - OR move out. He chose to move out and ended up sofa surfing with the girl.
It’s a long story but this was the first time of him leaving the family home, the second time we had to ask him to leave. It was heartbreaking but we had no choice. Would I do that again - I don’t think Ive honestly got it in me nor my husband to do that - but we are in a different place now (we are all reunited, son back home and in recovery, now diagnosed with combined ADHD so we also understand him better). But we all think he needed to get to a certain point to then really decide he didn’t want to be living as he was and want to be reconnected with his family.
xx
It got to such a bad place in the end - coming in consistently during the week and weekends in the early hours disturbing our sleep, room in a state and empty little transparent bags everywhere in his room. He even pretty much moved a girl in.
We ended up at this stage not throwing him out but giving him a choice - live by these basic rules (not that unreasonable!), respect us/the house and the GF can stay at the weekend but not midweek - OR move out. He chose to move out and ended up sofa surfing with the girl.
It’s a long story but this was the first time of him leaving the family home, the second time we had to ask him to leave. It was heartbreaking but we had no choice. Would I do that again - I don’t think Ive honestly got it in me nor my husband to do that - but we are in a different place now (we are all reunited, son back home and in recovery, now diagnosed with combined ADHD so we also understand him better). But we all think he needed to get to a certain point to then really decide he didn’t want to be living as he was and want to be reconnected with his family.
xx
Somebody supporting another with alcohol addiction
You are absolutely right no amount of arguing or fighting with them changes anything but your home is your safe place and you should not be expected to live with unacceptable behaviour from anyone least of all your adult child.
They only change when they want to . I have also found this out the hard way .
I am very pleased that your life is now better and your son is in recovery I wish you and your family many years of happiness because you deserve it . 💕
They only change when they want to . I have also found this out the hard way .
I am very pleased that your life is now better and your son is in recovery I wish you and your family many years of happiness because you deserve it . 💕