I can’t find the strength
Somebody supporting another with alcohol and cannabis addictions
My son is nearly 18 and is and a cannabis smoker that has turned into drink. He has ADHD/autism/suicidal thoughts etc.
I am his appointee for his PIP payment and I then in turn give him money. The problem I have is that I know what he is spending the money on and he spends more than what he gets - this is my fault as I am the one that gives it to him!
I don’t have the strength to say no because I get the emotional blackmail that he will take all his medication/self harm (which he does by banging his head hard on the wall) - he constantly messages me and if I don’t reply he phones me (he does live at home!) and now has even taken to phoning me when I am at work! Which does not go down well
He only has one friend who he is with 24/7 either at home or at theirs - neither work.
I have had time off work in February with stress and depression - and I can feel it happening again.
I just can’t find the strength to say no and stick to it - I know I am making him worse which is also making me ill - and incredibly overdrawn in the bank.
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense - I know I am rambling and it’s early - just wanted to let off some steam but if anyone has any ideas of how I can help him (and myself) it would be gratefully received. As my name says - I am hopeful x
I am his appointee for his PIP payment and I then in turn give him money. The problem I have is that I know what he is spending the money on and he spends more than what he gets - this is my fault as I am the one that gives it to him!
I don’t have the strength to say no because I get the emotional blackmail that he will take all his medication/self harm (which he does by banging his head hard on the wall) - he constantly messages me and if I don’t reply he phones me (he does live at home!) and now has even taken to phoning me when I am at work! Which does not go down well
He only has one friend who he is with 24/7 either at home or at theirs - neither work.
I have had time off work in February with stress and depression - and I can feel it happening again.
I just can’t find the strength to say no and stick to it - I know I am making him worse which is also making me ill - and incredibly overdrawn in the bank.
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense - I know I am rambling and it’s early - just wanted to let off some steam but if anyone has any ideas of how I can help him (and myself) it would be gratefully received. As my name says - I am hopeful x
3 reactions
2 replies
Somebody supporting another with alcohol, cannabis, cocaine, and gambling addictions
Good morning,
Sadly I don’t have any hugely helpful answers for you. But just to say you are not alone. My son is 30 and has issues with drugs and alcohol. I’ve been doing it all wrong for years. He works and earns considerably more than me, but I’m constantly helping him. It’s the emotional blackmail. I’m always in fear he will do something to himself. Try and find proper support for yourself, maybe through an agency or organisation like Families Anonymous. They’ve helped me feel less alone and make me feel stronger. Take care x
Sadly I don’t have any hugely helpful answers for you. But just to say you are not alone. My son is 30 and has issues with drugs and alcohol. I’ve been doing it all wrong for years. He works and earns considerably more than me, but I’m constantly helping him. It’s the emotional blackmail. I’m always in fear he will do something to himself. Try and find proper support for yourself, maybe through an agency or organisation like Families Anonymous. They’ve helped me feel less alone and make me feel stronger. Take care x
Somebody supporting another with alcohol and cannabis addictions
I’m so sorry you are going through this, it sounds so stressful and frightening. Dealing with neurodivergence adds complexity. I just can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you. Sending strength and you aren’t alone. Look at the list of people on here, a lot are supporting neurodivergent children. Keep reaching out and getting support. It’s the only way I cope is by accessing support. Thinking of you x