Advice/support needed - ketamine
Somebody supporting another with ketamine addiction
I'm really struggling today.
I have been trying so hard to support my daughter but she has changed so much, she is selfish, rude, hurtful and tries to gaslight me. She won't allow me to ever broach the subject of ketamine.
She seems to have lost all empathy and I'm currently looking after her dad who has cancer, plus I'm working full time. I'm so exhausted but I'm also heartbroken that our relationship has broken down so much.
I'm trying to be strong in my boundaries, she says she wants me to just be mum and look after her, but only if I never mention ketamine. She's very unwell, her kidneys are failing and she has a nephrostomy. I'm so stuck. I want to spend time with her, im so scared im going to lose her. But she's not herself, and it's horrible to be around her. I honestly want to step away so that she can reach the conclusion that she needs help, but I also don't want to abandon her. Any advice would be much appreciated.
I have been trying so hard to support my daughter but she has changed so much, she is selfish, rude, hurtful and tries to gaslight me. She won't allow me to ever broach the subject of ketamine.
She seems to have lost all empathy and I'm currently looking after her dad who has cancer, plus I'm working full time. I'm so exhausted but I'm also heartbroken that our relationship has broken down so much.
I'm trying to be strong in my boundaries, she says she wants me to just be mum and look after her, but only if I never mention ketamine. She's very unwell, her kidneys are failing and she has a nephrostomy. I'm so stuck. I want to spend time with her, im so scared im going to lose her. But she's not herself, and it's horrible to be around her. I honestly want to step away so that she can reach the conclusion that she needs help, but I also don't want to abandon her. Any advice would be much appreciated.
4 reactions
8 replies
Somebody supporting another with methamphetamine addiction
Oh Cleo, I’m so sorry to hear, that sounds so hard…
I don’t know what to say to help, except that it’s so hard to know how to position yourself as a parent and I hear all the conflicts around this in what you write. I try to find a position of loving detachment, the detachment to protect myself and so that things get under my skin less as the latter helps me to remain loving. But I struggle to achieve this, it isn’t easy, not when it’s your son or daughter. But maybe trying to achieve it, and managing sometimes, is enough…
For what it’s worth, I feel for you… sending strength to stay with it, and love 🧡
I don’t know what to say to help, except that it’s so hard to know how to position yourself as a parent and I hear all the conflicts around this in what you write. I try to find a position of loving detachment, the detachment to protect myself and so that things get under my skin less as the latter helps me to remain loving. But I struggle to achieve this, it isn’t easy, not when it’s your son or daughter. But maybe trying to achieve it, and managing sometimes, is enough…
For what it’s worth, I feel for you… sending strength to stay with it, and love 🧡
Somebody supporting another with alcohol and cannabis addictions
So sorry Cleo, you are dealing with so much. I hear your pain and conflict. Addiction is just awful in what it does. With your daughter having health issues as well maintaining boundaries when you want to care for her is hard. I can only cope with my situation by talking to family support workers. I can’t bear the responsibility on my own, as you say the potential consequences are frightening. I also do it so when I speak to my son I say I’ve talked this through with the lady who supports me so I know I’m doing the best thing to support you. I would imagine you might be encouraged to say I will be talking about ketamine because it worries me the effect it is having on you. I said to my son yesterday that I will be saying things that make him feel uncomfortable. I’m not going to brush substance related behaviour under the carpet. I was once told to think about every action you take, is it enabling or is helping. My son has come back to live with me so I’ve said we are a drug and alcohol free house that has reduced his use dramatically at the moment.
Sending strength to you. I guess getting support for yourself so you can keep going is a good idea. It’s a lonely time xx
Sending strength to you. I guess getting support for yourself so you can keep going is a good idea. It’s a lonely time xx
Somebody supporting another with alcohol and cannabis addictions
I’m also told it’s not them it’s the drugs, hard not to feel it when you are giving all you have to others xx
Somebody supporting another with ketamine addiction
Thank you so much for the replies. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come back, the last week has been so hard.
I did have a conversation with her and I was clear that I won't engage with accusations, and I won't give money.
I want to spend as much time as I can with her as I'm so scared I'm going to lose her, but it's also not nice to be around her, and it's incredibly painful to see her so unwell, I don't know whether I can say this to her, my mind goes in circles about it.
I'm starting the recovering families course in September so hoping that will help with staying strong in my boundaries.
Sending love and strength to all of you dealing with this ❤️
I did have a conversation with her and I was clear that I won't engage with accusations, and I won't give money.
I want to spend as much time as I can with her as I'm so scared I'm going to lose her, but it's also not nice to be around her, and it's incredibly painful to see her so unwell, I don't know whether I can say this to her, my mind goes in circles about it.
I'm starting the recovering families course in September so hoping that will help with staying strong in my boundaries.
Sending love and strength to all of you dealing with this ❤️
Somebody supporting another with cannabis, cocaine, prescription opiods, prescription stimulants, and over the counter medicines addictions
Hi Rebecca just sending love and strength to you and to let you know you are not on your own 🩷
Somebody supporting another with alcohol addiction
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it sounds truly awful - especially with your husband’s struggles too! 💙
Have you considered a therapist for your daughter? Reading your profile it sounds like mental health issues are in part driving her addiction, or are at least making it much harder for her stop.
I wonder if focussing on her mental health rather than the Ketamine use directly might make help improve things, and it might be something she’s more receptive to?
My situation was quite different, but when she eventually did stop drinking it was very apparent to me that my mum’s alcohol addiction was supported by external factors affecting her mental health. Once those changed, her mental health improved and she was finally able to stop.
Have you considered a therapist for your daughter? Reading your profile it sounds like mental health issues are in part driving her addiction, or are at least making it much harder for her stop.
I wonder if focussing on her mental health rather than the Ketamine use directly might make help improve things, and it might be something she’s more receptive to?
My situation was quite different, but when she eventually did stop drinking it was very apparent to me that my mum’s alcohol addiction was supported by external factors affecting her mental health. Once those changed, her mental health improved and she was finally able to stop.
Somebody supporting another with ketamine addiction
Hi Bob,
Thank you so much for your reply. Mental health is a massive part of it and I've been fighting the nhs to get her the support she needs.
That's not been successful over the last 2 years, so I'm paying for her to have a private psychiatric assessment and we will pay for private therapy (with debt probably!) If that's the only way to get her the support she needs.
I have said to her that I'll try not to ask her questions about ketamine, but that if we are talking and something needs to be said I'm going to say it. I think she heard that, I hope so anyway.
Really glad to hear that your mum got the help she needed
Thank you so much for your reply. Mental health is a massive part of it and I've been fighting the nhs to get her the support she needs.
That's not been successful over the last 2 years, so I'm paying for her to have a private psychiatric assessment and we will pay for private therapy (with debt probably!) If that's the only way to get her the support she needs.
I have said to her that I'll try not to ask her questions about ketamine, but that if we are talking and something needs to be said I'm going to say it. I think she heard that, I hope so anyway.
Really glad to hear that your mum got the help she needed
Somebody supporting another with alcohol, cocaine, and ketamine addictions
Heartbreaking to read your struggles..the detachment we are told we need to achieve is almost impossible when you are a mum but all we can do is protect ourselves as all decisions are their's alone. I've found Al Anon useful to help build my strength. Ketamine is doubly hard because of the huge physical effects on the body and there does seem more urgency to get them to stop. It's insanity but they have to realise that and find the strength to choose life. You have a right to boundaries and to follow through when they are not met too. I try and separate the disease from my baby and that makes it easier for me to get angry at the disease and not them. Keep strong and I hope she sees the light soon xx