Do I tell his family?
Somebody supporting another with alcohol and cocaine addictions
Hi all I’m in desperate need of some advice!
My partner is dependent on cocaine and alcohol and it’s only getting worse. We recently found out I’m pregnant and it’s come to a point that I need to make some decisions. He will be a great dad but I can’t have him around my child with current habits. We’re in the cycle of wanting help during a comedown/hangover and then not doing anything and back to drink/drugs.
For reference, he’s from a different country and that’s where his family are - most of which are big drinkers also, albeit socially. He has a cousin here in London who cares deeply for him and has money to pay for rehab should he choose that.
Due to the fact that I’m pregnant and the possibility of a) my child not having a reliable father that they see and b) needing support myself - I’m really considering talking to his cousin and asking for some help.
I would greatly appreciate any advice or opinions on this! Thank you in advance!
My partner is dependent on cocaine and alcohol and it’s only getting worse. We recently found out I’m pregnant and it’s come to a point that I need to make some decisions. He will be a great dad but I can’t have him around my child with current habits. We’re in the cycle of wanting help during a comedown/hangover and then not doing anything and back to drink/drugs.
For reference, he’s from a different country and that’s where his family are - most of which are big drinkers also, albeit socially. He has a cousin here in London who cares deeply for him and has money to pay for rehab should he choose that.
Due to the fact that I’m pregnant and the possibility of a) my child not having a reliable father that they see and b) needing support myself - I’m really considering talking to his cousin and asking for some help.
I would greatly appreciate any advice or opinions on this! Thank you in advance!
1 reaction
2 replies
Somebody supporting another with alcohol addiction
As a child of an alcoholic, and a father of a young child myself, my strong (albeit biased) feeling is that you’re absolutely right to not want your partner around your child while he’s drinking and doing drugs.
Kids need stability, reliability, patience and a sense of safety. Unfortunately people suffering with addiction exhibit none of those qualities, no matter how much they love a child or would be a fantastic parent when sober.
I think talking to his cousin is a good idea if you trust they will help you do what’s in his, and your baby’s, best interests. It sounds like he wants help at least some of the time, perhaps another loved one’s voice will get through to him?
My only word of caution would be that if things don’t go to plan, you may find yourself fighting for custody of your child at some point. I am not a lawyer, but I expect in that scenario you’ll want a log of evidence (with dates and times) of what he’s like when he’s using, and evidence of your own suitability to care for the child without him.
Really sorry you’re having to go through this now, but I’m wishing you and your partner the best - with a bit of help hopefully this can be the making of him. 🤞
Kids need stability, reliability, patience and a sense of safety. Unfortunately people suffering with addiction exhibit none of those qualities, no matter how much they love a child or would be a fantastic parent when sober.
I think talking to his cousin is a good idea if you trust they will help you do what’s in his, and your baby’s, best interests. It sounds like he wants help at least some of the time, perhaps another loved one’s voice will get through to him?
My only word of caution would be that if things don’t go to plan, you may find yourself fighting for custody of your child at some point. I am not a lawyer, but I expect in that scenario you’ll want a log of evidence (with dates and times) of what he’s like when he’s using, and evidence of your own suitability to care for the child without him.
Really sorry you’re having to go through this now, but I’m wishing you and your partner the best - with a bit of help hopefully this can be the making of him. 🤞
Somebody supporting another with alcohol and cocaine addictions
Thank you so much for your reply, it means a lot! I think you’re right in regard to evidence but hoping his cousin will have a positive impact!