Struggling with anger.
Somebody supporting another with alcohol addiction
Hey folks. I’ve just joined this community. I hope to be helped, and in turn help others in this space.
I’m basically a laid back guy in his mid forties. However when my alcohol dependent son was foisted upon me by my very frustrated ex wife, my emotional stability has taken a hit.
I find myself lashing out at him when he’s drunk. I find myself calling him useless and a waste of space. Once I’ve calmed down, the feelings of guilt set in for having said those things.
After several months of this, I feel extremely angry when my son has abstained for a few days, only to pick it up again. I have found dozens of empty vodka and whiskey bottles in his bedroom (which is a total mess).
I’ve warned him time after time that I’ll evict him if he doesn’t sort his drinking problem.
Please can someone help with the anger/hatred I sometimes feel towards my son.
Thanks and blessings.
I’m basically a laid back guy in his mid forties. However when my alcohol dependent son was foisted upon me by my very frustrated ex wife, my emotional stability has taken a hit.
I find myself lashing out at him when he’s drunk. I find myself calling him useless and a waste of space. Once I’ve calmed down, the feelings of guilt set in for having said those things.
After several months of this, I feel extremely angry when my son has abstained for a few days, only to pick it up again. I have found dozens of empty vodka and whiskey bottles in his bedroom (which is a total mess).
I’ve warned him time after time that I’ll evict him if he doesn’t sort his drinking problem.
Please can someone help with the anger/hatred I sometimes feel towards my son.
Thanks and blessings.
1 reaction
4 replies
Somebody supporting another with alcohol addiction
It’s so hard isnt it, keeping calm is so hard sometimes, frustration and trying to understand them takes it out of you
Our son lives abroad and has been in rehab and is ok for a while then back on it
His relationship with his gf has now broken down and he won’t admit to drinking, It’s the lying we can’t cope with 🥲🥲
Our son lives abroad and has been in rehab and is ok for a while then back on it
His relationship with his gf has now broken down and he won’t admit to drinking, It’s the lying we can’t cope with 🥲🥲
Somebody supporting another with alcohol addiction
My son lives with his dad now and your post could have been written by his dad - this is exactly their scenario. He lashes out and my son feels hurt, but the alcohol wins every time. He only lives there because so many bridges were burnt here at home that we couldn’t take any more. It’s the hardest mix of love and resentment, hope and despair.
Somebody supporting another with alcohol and cannabis addictions
It is very hard to keep calm when there are so many complicated emotions associated with your child being an addict. My son came back to me from his Dads. Their relationship had broken down and there was a lot of anger on both sides mostly due to his alcohol use. He had left me a couple of years ago due to aggressive behaviour associated with Ketamine use. The break from living with us enabled me to put boundaries in place, we are an alcohol and drug free house, he has stuck to the boundaries so far. I’m also firm if he’s rude and we move on quickly. I have been able to get to this position with support from a local family support worker and I’ve just finished an online group course with the Forward Trust. I can’t cope on my own, as you are experiencing I struggled to control my emotions and the things I say when frightened, angry and frustrated. By talking to professionals and other parents and learning about addiction I can see my son through the behaviour and understand why boundaries are important. Good luck and don’t be hard on yourself.
Somebody supporting another with alcohol and cannabis addictions
My son’s room was like a squat at his Dads with lots of empty bottles. I decided to keep his room tidy so every morning when he goes to work I tidy it up and do his washing. Another boundary was no eating meals in his room as plates etc build up. He breaks that occasionally but I’m choosing my battles. I am doing this to show him how we live and what we expect but also so he can feel comfortable and safe when he’s dealing with the demons of addiction. I’ve stopped the narrative of he should be doing x,y,z at his age around the house and I’m giving him space to hopefully recover in time. Might not work but for the time being along with no drugs and alcohol in the house it’s creating a calm and non combative environment that hopefully we can build on in time.